This story is about Nadia Timrova, a first-year university student. Nadia shares the story of leaving her hometown, life in France and returning to Ukraine.
— Tell us about your life before the start of a full-scale invasion.
— My name is Nadia, I am from the city of Cherkasy, last year I studied in the 11th grade, and then a significant part of my life was spent preparing for final exams. At that time, I dreamed of entering a university abroad. I put a lot of effort into it. I put off everything I wanted to do “for later” because of this: all trips, plans, places I would have liked to visit. Then all my acquaintances asked me: why so? They said not to exaggerate the importance of exams. And I tried to listen to their advice. My social circle changed a lot last fall. Those people were involved in music somehow. I often went to the philharmonic hall for concerts, to listen to orchestras or just to visit friends. One of them worked in a music school before the full-scale invasion. I came to listen to his music, and even learned a little to play the drums. I went to Kyiv every month, sometimes I went to Odesa. I had friends in Kyiv and Odesa.
— Tell us, please, what exams were you preparing for, what university did you want to enroll in?
— I was preparing for exams in History of Ukraine, English language, Mathematics, Ukrainian language and literature. In addition to the option of studying abroad, I considered the possibility of studying philology in Kyiv. In general, I dreamed of studying theoretical linguistics, but there was no such faculty in Kyiv, so I decided to choose philology.
— Were you happy then?
—Well, at that moment I don’t know, but now, when I remember those times, yes, definitely yes.
— What were your last weeks before February 24 like?
— A few weeks before the start of the full-scale invasion, I asked everyone I knew if they thought there would be a war. And everyone said no. And I, actually, calmed down then. I was sure that nothing could happen in such a small city as Cherkasy. Although Kyiv is not a small city, I thought that nothing could be there either, not to mention Chernihiv. I thought that if something were to start, it might be in Kharkiv, somewhere closer to the eastern border. But certainly not in central Ukraine. Of course, I was worried, but everyone reassured me. At that time, I read the news three times a day in order to at least understand something and know what to expect. In the evenings, when panic gripped me, I could spend hours rereading the same articles on the political situation several times.
It is so strange, but most of my acquaintances at that time didn’t believe that a war could begin. There were only a few friends of the family who for some reason bought helmets, sports boots, candles, flashlights, some equipment, spending a lot of money. For us it was surreal. We joked then like ‘’even if hostilities began in Cherkasy, what would you do with your helmet?’’
— How was your February 24?
— My mother flew to Budapest on February 23. She was supposed to fly on the 24th, but just a few days before departure, her flight was changed to the morning of the 23rd. Then, from the 23rd to the 24th, I had a nightmare that a rocket hit a house in Kharkiv. I`ve never been to Kharkiv, but I have a good friend who lives near Kharkiv, and of course I was worried about her, maybe that’s why I had this dream. I woke up in a cold sweat at five in the morning. I decided not to turn on the phone, I kept on sleeping, because I had to go to school that day. When I woke up, I immediately stumbled upon Zelensky’s appeal on Instagram. I told my grandmother: “Granny, the war has started,” she answered me: “And?” At lunch, I texted a friend who lives in the Kharkiv region, in the city of Vovchansk. She told me that Russian tanks entered the city without any resistance and hung Russian flags. I called my friend then to tell him that the war had started. He was sleeping, and in his slumber he answered: “Okay, call me when it’s over.”
— What did you feel then?
—In the first days, I was very afraid, but I didn’t want to show it to anyone, I didn’t want to spread panic. Apparently, people still felt my fear, because they often told me that day: “It’s okay, no need to be anxious, everything will be fine.” And I laughed in response: “Yes, of course, everything will be fine, I’m not worried”, although I was.
— What were you most afraid of then?
— I was afraid that there would be problems with logistics, light, food. I was afraid that it would be impossible to live here, that everything will stop. I was afraid for my friends, from Odesa, from Kharkiv. I had a friend who moved from Mariupol when she was 14, but her grandmother and friends stayed there. She talked about a 17-year-old friend who died this year. It’s so scary — she’s literally my age.
— Did you and your family plan to go somewhere?
— No. But it so happened that my mother was abroad when everything started, she was very worried about me and asked me to come to her. I went to Romania with my mother’s friend. From Cherkasy we got to Chernivtsi, spent the night there, and on February 27 I left Ukraine. We met my mother on February 28 in Romania. She has a cousin who lives in the suburbs of Paris. When she found out that we were abroad, she immediately bought us plane tickets and told us to come to her. I arrived in France on March 5.
— Can you now remember how you felt in those first days?
— Probably guilty. My cousin stayed at home in Cherkasy, many of my friends and relatives stayed in Ukraine, and I went, even though I didn’t want to.
— What was life like in France?
— I lived in France from March to August. I went to a French school, the education system there is completely different from ours. They have really long breaks and it was so strange to me. The hardest thing for me was that there was no one there to talk to. It may sound strange, but you feel lonely, even though you live in a house full of your relatives. We went with them to the ocean, in Nantes, and I remember sitting on the beach and watching the teenagers playing volleyball. I felt so sad then: I’m a teenager just like them. I could go for a walk with my friends in Odessa, just like them. And although I also met French classmates there, it was not at all like it could be with my friends. It was also difficult there because no one around speaks English, only French.
— What did you miss the most?
— People. Being with those I love is extremely important to me. That is why I so wanted to return to Ukraine, although I was offered to stay there to study. It’s so ridiculous: I’ve been saying that I want to leave Ukraine, anywhere, if there is even the slightest opportunity. And then, when this opportunity presented itself, I realized that no, I don’t feel comfortable here. What will I do here? It’s a different language, a different mentality, different people, I realized how good I feel at home, in Ukraine.
— When did you decide to return to Ukraine?
— My mother always knew that she wanted to return home. Either did I. My aunt tried to persuade me to stay in France, but I desperately wanted to go home. It would be so strange to stay there without loved ones. At that time, I still wanted to study philology, and, of course, in France, I wouldn’t have been able to do that. The only thing that attracted me at the time was the incredible beauty of Paris, but staying in Paris would also mean burdening my mother with paying for my living there, but that is a more secondary reason. First of all, I wanted to be close to those who are important to me, and all these people were in Ukraine.
— Do you not regret that you returned to Ukraine while the war is still going on here?
— No. Not at all. I can’t imagine how I would live in Paris now, I would have to get a job, I wouldn’t have relatives and friends. In fact, it is very comfortable to live here, you feel at home here, people understand you here, you can see your family more often than on holidays. All teenagers are very different, and I’m glad that I’m here with the same jerks as me (laughs).
— How did the experience of these events change you?
— I have grown up. I got a lot of new knowledge, and I’m not talking about the knowledge we get at school, no. I became more independent. I made mistakes and learned to correct them. Also I met some cool people, for example my third cousin from France, with whom I still communicate.
Moreover, while being in France, I decided to enroll in another specialty. The one I wanted to do, theoretical linguistics, could be related to programming. Besides, while I was living in France, I thought about a lot of things. I also thought that a linguistic specialty is less practical than a technical one. In addition, I wasn’t sure until the last when I would return to Ukraine, but I wanted to enter a Ukrainian university, at least for the correspondence form of education, and it was impossible to enter philology this way.
I recently thought that despite all the good things that happened to me in France, I wouldn’t hesitate to give it up. Yes, it was a useful experience for me, my life in the suburbs of Paris was incredibly interesting, but I`m one of the few who was so lucky. This war destroyed thousands of homes, destroyed cities, destroyed people’s lives, and I would gladly give up all the good things that happened to me, so that on February 24 everyone would have lived their usual lifes. I would give my life for it.
— How do you see Ukraine after the war?
— I dream of a victory celebration that would be even greater than the celebration of Independence Day. So that all people walk in their cities and rejoice. And it may sound strange, but I want people to argue about politics again, to be outraged and angry about insufficient pensions or salaries. Because if everyone finally quarrels about the problems inside the country, I`ll be sure that everyone is back to the usual rhythm of life.
— Thank you and Glory to Ukraine!
— Glory to heroes!
Translator: Bohdana-Nikolietta Terekhina
