Hi, I’m Valeria. I am 20 years old. For the last four years I have been studying and working in Kyiv. I am studying journalism at the Vernadsky National University. I can’t even believe that I am already in my last year of studies. I have no clear plans for the future, the war made me live only for today.
Now I am in Germany. I go to language courses, study. But still my thoughts are always with my home, Ukraine. As I have already mentioned, I live only for today, and I keep waiting for the opportunity when I can return home.
Can you remember where you were a few days before the war started, what was the atmosphere like then? Did people from your close circle talk about a possible Russian offensive happening soon?
I remember how often I discussed with my family and friends that “something” might happen. Especially everyone began to worry when shortly before the full-scale invasion various deputies, oligarchs, foreign consulates began to return their ambassadors from Ukraine. This, of course, prompted certain thoughts. Even now I remember how on the 23rd of February I was in Kyiv, and my family was in Kherson. I talked to my mother on the phone in the evening, and we discussed this topic. I told her to pack her “anxiety bag”, she told me the same thing. But still, I didn’t even want to believe that war was possible, so on the morning of the 24th I found my suitcase half empty.
On February 24th, the full-scale war began, what were your thoughts at that time? What did your relatives and friends from Kherson talk about, did they think about such a quick occupation of the city, which we all watched live?
I woke up in the morning from my mother’s call. I did not understand what was happening, why she was calling me so early. “Are you sleeping?” “Yes, the alarm clock will ring in 10 minutes, why?” “The whole country is being bombed. The war has started.” It is hard to describe the emotions I felt then. I think it is almost impossible. Your entire body begins to shake, tears appear, and a relentless panic begins to “eat” you from the inside. I get up and go to my suitcase, which I never packed. With trembling hands, in a state close to a panic attack, I begin to collect at least some things and quickly realize: I do not understand what I am doing, why these things are in my hands, what is happening.
My family was not so lucky – they didn’t wake up from a phone call. My parents and younger sister were woken up by the sound of fighter jets over the house and explosions at the airfield nearby.
The worst thing for me at that moment was to be separated from my family. I did not understand what to do: to run to Kherson by train or to stay in Kyiv. I did not know then what would follow.
I remember well how in the first days of the full-scale war, I was watching and reading the news 24/7 (like all Ukrainians). I read about Kherson. I was following every post and just telling my parents: “The Russians have left Crimea”, “They are already in the region”, “They are already in Kakhovka”, “They have entered the city”. I was sharing all that until the rashist APCs started driving under the windows of my own house.
We did not know what would happen to Kherson. We did not even want to think about the occupation, especially such a long-lasting one. We thought only about one thing – to get to live until tomorrow. I thought about it while sleeping in the underground parking lot, my family – in the basement of the house.
When Russian troops came to Kherson (it happened in late February – early March), they occupied the city and installed their fake government there. Can you remember how you experienced those events, how your relatives and friends from Kherson experienced it? In general, what was the atmosphere in the city that suddenly got under occupation?
I did not know how to react to the Russian rags all over the city. I could not even imagine that my hometown would live under occupation for more than one month. My parents were often out of touch, and when they did manage to talk to me, they told me everything very briefly and dryly. I think they were worried that all conversations could be listened to. All their days under occupation were spent first in the shelter, and then later in the corridor. My father only went out to buy food, and even then my mother was extremely worried about him, because the Russians could come up at any time, twist him and take him away in an unknown direction.
My father went to rallies. It was those first rallies of Kherson residents, those extremely large-scale rallies, not only in the city itself, but throughout the region, even in the smallest villages. Back then, we still thought that the orcs would not stay here for long.
What do you remember most from the stories of your parents and friends about the city’s stay under occupation? Any moments, stories of Russian cruelty, or hatred towards Ukrainians, can you remember such things?
The most memorable case was when the Russians kidnapped a close friend of our family and tortured him for several days. They broke his ribs, there were many other injuries. I don’t even know what was the reason for this, and whether there was any reason at all. It is terrible, but such kidnappings were a frequent phenomenon in Kherson at that time. It is impossible to look without tears and great sadness at those numerous places where Ukrainians were tortured. These are places which, after the release from the occupation, are being revealed to the public basically every day.
I remember my mother telling me how they once woke up to extremely loud sounds. An armored personnel carrier was standing under the porch. It turned out that the Rashists were knocking down the doors of the neighbors, they wanted to conduct another search. Then they had a list of “guerrillas”, former military, policemen, and others. So then, the rashists went to these addresses, knocked down the doors and searched for who knows what.
We all remember, the city was under an extremely harsh Russian regime for many months. How did you manage to communicate with your relatives, did the Internet work there at all, what was the connection like?
There was often no electricity, let alone Internet and mobile communication. Ukrainian communication lines were cut off almost immediately, and my parents did not want to take Russian mobile phones on principle. I could not find a place where I could not talk to them at least once a day, just to hear that they were doing well. My father also tried to work in such conditions. He works in public and charitable organizations. My father is a real hero for me. Volunteering, working for the good of the country, helping in any way he could, and even under occupation and constant risk, is worth a lot.
From the very beginning of the occupation, Kherson was one of those few cities that was always in the spotlight. It was in focus all the time. News from the city came out quite often, it was clear from the posted videos that the people dreamed of finally getting rid of the Russian occupier. They went to protests, said “no” to the racist regime.
How did you actually get news about your hometown: were it relatives, some media, like Suspilne Kherson, where did you get all this information from?
I read mostly Telegram channels. At that time, they were the fastest way for me to get information. Family, friends, acquaintances were afraid to talk about what was happening in the city. At most, they could write in messages and then immediately delete them. They communicated by phone in ciphers and hints.
What then happened to your parents and relatives who found themselves in the occupied city? Did they stay or eventually move somewhere? If they left, how difficult was it, what obstacles were on the way?
My mother and sister left Kherson in spring. My father did not want to leave, he stayed at home with the cat. He stayed to help my grandparents.
Not so long ago, my father also left the city with his cat. I think those were the hardest days for him. He did not want to go alone – a man of military age going alone would almost certainly not be released. So he decided to give a ride to several people for free. He spent the next few days in hell: in constant stress, driving, eating almost nothing. He spent many nights in the open air, in the car. And then my father had a long journey across Ukraine.
I remember how my parents talked about their feelings when they met the first Ukrainian checkpoint. They said that even the air was sort of filled with freedom and such sincere happy emotions.
When Kherson was liberated and the headlines like “Kherson is under the control of Ukraine again”, without exaggeration, spread all over the world, what were your emotions then? What were you thinking about that day?
At first, I just did not believe it. I read all these news and just did not know how to react. The war has taught me not to rejoice immediately. I did not know whether Kherson was returned forever or not.
The realization came the next day. Then my boundless joy turned into tears of happiness. I began to really realize that the moment we had all been waiting for since the beginning of the full-scale invasion had finally come. It was hard to watch all those videos that were shot in the city, videos where people are incredibly happy, celebrating, thanking our military, crying and laughing. It was really such a turning point for me, and I think it was so for all Kherson residents.
Now that Kherson is under Ukrainian control, do you have a desire to come back home, do you think about it at all now? Yes, the situation is very difficult now, the Russians are constantly shelling the city, but maybe one day, when there will be no such threat of shelling, would you like to return to your native land?
Of course, I want to return. I think about it every day. Here, abroad, I am not living the life I am used to and which I love so much. I don’t even know when I will be able to return. However, I believe that this day will definitely come. I can’t even imagine the emotions I will feel when I see my father again after 9 months of hard separation.
In these holiday times, we have a tradition to make wishes, so that they would come true in the new year. Do you have such wishes for 2023?
I have only one wish, and it is known to everyone. I want to return home, hug my father again, hug my cat, go back to my own apartment. I want to take a walk in the park near my home and just not cry every time I hear about Ukraine. So little is needed for happiness, and so much at the same time.
Translator: Ivan Chepaykin
