As part of the War Diary project, we ask Ukrainian citizens how they perceive and experience the terrible, but largely decisive for our future, events of the war. These are students from different universities, different parts of Ukraine, teachers, historians, who since the beginning of the war have been involved in various NGOs, volunteer movements, helping our military, civilians, etc. Ukrainians who have an active public position, work in the field of education, journalism, are public figures. Today I had the opportunity to talk to Angelika Dosenko, who holds a PhD in Social Communications, she’s an associate Professor of the Department of International Journalism at Boris Grinchenko Kyiv University.
Angelika Dosenko, photo from personal archive
My name is Angelika Dosenko. I like to read, but since the beginning of the war I have almost no time for it. I love cinematography but haven’t seen many films either.
I love my family, and I am happy that I have two wonderful children – it is a great happiness and responsibility.
I love and want to live: life should be peaceful!
What was your life like before this war, can you describe, please, what was it like on February 23, for example? And what is this one day like today?
Our life was infinitely happy, we just did not understand it. We always thought that it was better somewhere else than in Ukraine. Now I understand that the best thing was our beautiful country, incredible people, brave men, beautiful children.
I remember February 23 as a morning of horror, because we all did not believe that the world would allow war. The day before, my friends and I were talking that in the XXI century the civilized world simply will not allow war, that there will be some diplomatic solution.
Today, that day is imprinted in my mind with the feeling of waking up from a bomb explosion, not understanding how to act, how to save my family. Continuous horror and weakness.
Can you say that this war has simply changed the direction of your life, that before February 24 and after are two different lives, like two different people, figuratively speaking?
There is definitely a before and after… And it’s scary to realize that you had a previous life before that day. Of course, we are all different now — braver, more courageous…but…. I remember well the work of M. Remarque, “Three Comrades”, such a lost generation after the Second World War. I understand that Ukrainians will again suffer the same fate as then.
Did you foresee such a scenario for yourself? That missiles would fly over Kyiv, over Lviv. The media wrote a lot about a possible war long before it started. Or maybe what happened on February 24 was a complete surprise for you.
No…never! I was not ready, my husband, my friends—everyone I know was not ready. We are still probably just realizing the horror, although we have been living in it for so long. Such things are difficult to describe in words—they are indescribably painful. To see destroyed houses, to see, hear and read about the dead: those people you know and those you do not. To understand that everyone dies from missiles and shelling. The missile will not choose between hitting a child or a weak person, it’ll just kill anyone who happens to come its way, it is the understanding that the color of the Ukrainian nation is dying at the front. This will never be forgotten.
How was your hometown affected by the Russian invasion? How did it survive the first days, weeks of the war, when thousands of missiles flew over the Ukrainian sky?
My hometown is Kryvyi Rih… It is still suffering, because Dnipro region borders with Donetsk region. Rockets fly and destroy, kill our people. When the Rashists hit the dam with a missile, a third of the city was flooded. The destruction is significant, but people are holding on.
During these ten months of the great war, what stories, moments have stuck in your memory the most? Stories of tragedy, or on the contrary deeply inspiring, touching the soul, stories of despair or hope for a better future.
I remember how my husband was drafted into the Armed Forces, how we gathered him, how much I cried and how my daughter cried. I know many stories and I know many families who lost their relatives in the war, but it is difficult to talk about it. How can you describe someone else’s pain correctly? Probably nothing.
I know how hard it is for the guys fighting now in Donetsk region, how hard it was to liberate Kherson, I remember how my friend said: when we came to Kherson, we did not expect such a reaction from the people. How people were kissing, hugging, crying… I want to believe that such a reaction will be everywhere (both in Donetsk and Luhansk, although I understand that it is not so). But I want to believe anyway.
What was the fate of your friends, relatives during the war, maybe someone joined the armed forces, became a volunteer or in some other way contributes to our fight?
Almost every family I know has been touched by the war: many have not left Ukraine and are going through the war together with the country, 90% of them are men (or both husband and wife are serving), everyone volunteers: they buy stuff, collect, transport it, take care of certain brigades, donate blood, etc. Everyone, without exception, does something, even if it seems a trifle, it is really important.
What do you do now mostly besides work?
I raise children, donate blood, collect things for IDPs. There were thoughts to go to the Armed Forces. But my husband dissuaded me: they say, if something happens to him, the children should have at least one of the parents… It hurts and scares, but I realize that, unfortunately, he is right.
You work as a lecturer at the university. How is your working atmosphere now, in connection with these terrible shelling and the actual destruction of our energy system?
We work as best we can… online, in all messengers and platforms. We try to perform our duties as well as possible. We understand that it is difficult for teachers and students.
Do your students share their experiences of war, for example, during pairs or at other times, what are their thoughts on this topic? Perhaps there are stories from students who have made a big impression on you that you can share.
We talk a lot about it unofficially. There are some of my former students who are serving, but it is difficult to get in touch with them. I keep track of them on FB, it’s good that there are social networks. I am especially proud of Vladislav Dunayenko — the guy serves, works, speaks to the whole world about rashism!
There are those who volunteer despite great danger and risks. Everyone is trying to defeat this invasion of evil, and I am immensely proud of it.
But there are those among my students who are no longer with us because of the war. They died, and it is very painful. Young people who did not deserve such a fate. We remember, we will never forget!
The New Year is just around the corner. It is interesting to know how you see the next year 2023 for Ukraine in general and for yourself personally, what you would like to achieve, to do in this difficult, but, I am convinced, decisive year for Ukraine? What are your main goals?
There are no goals—there is a desire to hear about the victory.
There are no tasks, there is only one dream—to see our family together again. We miss our husband and our father very much. I pray to God that he will return home. And then… We are Ukrainians! We will rebuild everything, we will establish everything, and we will remember all this with tears for the rest of our lives… And most importantly— we have to bring up our children and grandchildren in such a way that they will never forgive the rashists!
Translator: Ivan Chepaykin
