A little about myself
I am the same age as our constitution because I was born on the night of 1996 when it was adopted. All my childhood, before entering a university in Kyiv, I lived in the city of Rivne. In the seventh grade I decided that I wanted to become a doctor because I like helping people. Since childhood, my father taught me an important principle, which I always follow in my life: “How you treat people, people will treat you”. That’s why I know that if you give a little of your warmth and energy, you’ll get much more in return – understanding and real people around you.
In the end, I studied pharmaceutical biotechnology, not medicine. After completing my Master’s degree, I started working at Farmak, a pharmaceutical company in Kyiv. At first I worked in the laboratory, but I realised that working with equipment was definitely not my path. Now I have the chance to help people – I work as a training and development specialist and I am grateful to the company for this opportunity.
I did not prepare for a full-scale invasion
I didn’t believe that a full-scale war was going to start, so I didn’t pack a suitcase or make any preparations. Instead, I had plans to go to Rivne on 25 February to celebrate my father’s birthday, and early in the morning of 24 February I was decorating a cake for my friend’s birthday, writing “Enjoy” on it. Then I thought the noises I was hearing were coming from a garbage truck, so I turned on the music. In short, I was having a great morning until my neighbour ran out of the room shouting that war had broken out.
My husband Serhii, who was a young man at the time, and I immediately decided to stay in Kyiv. We moved into a friend’s basement the same day and lived there until April. We had water, a coffee machine, a microwave, and I took the oven from home to cook dinner for us, to bake bread and muffins, believing that everything would soon be over. But it was unbearable to sit still. We started looking for ways to help.
In the first days of the fighting in Kyiv, we helped with small things, fulfilling specific requests: we took medicines to the elderly, delivered things and food for our friends. At the beginning of March we went to the Left Bank to pick up things for my brother, who is a soldier. It was a long journey from Podil, and it was then that I received a call from my sister Kateryna, the head of a pharmacy who was staying with her parents in Rivne, asking if we were going to the Left Bank and asking us to pick up medicines from the distributor’s warehouse. While in normal times it would have been a trivial matter to transport boxes, it was a real challenge: we went through the queue, stood at the checkpoint for about three hours in one direction and two hours in the other, and when we managed to get back before the curfew (which at the time was 7 p.m.), Kateryna told us: “You have no idea what you have done and how many people you have helped”.
Like almost everything else in the city, the pharmacy was closed due to the insecurity. I suggested to my sister that we reopen it. It was then that I realised I wanted to help here, in the pharmacy, I realised I could do it and I was ready for anything! And on the 7th of March the pharmacy opened. My husband and I worked on site and my sister worked remotely. Helping in such conditions was both interesting and difficult. The networks were down, the cash register and the terminal were not working. In a few days I remembered everything I had learnt about pharmaceutical chemistry at university, figured out how to place different groups of medicines on the shelves and was ready to give advice if needed. When the siren sounded, the explosions were heard and there was a queue in front of the pharmacy, I realised how many people could not live without medicines, who needed to have medicines on hand to feel calm and safe.
That’s how my volunteering began, because by April we were collecting, packing and sending orders in large quantities to charities and military units.
About my dad
My dad, a former military man, said he could not lie on the couch at home while his son (my brother) was defending Kyiv with weapons, so on his birthday, 25 February, he joined the terrorist defence unit in Rivne, and on 5 March he was redirected to the Donetsk area. Every time he contacted me, my father was in a good mood, and when he saw my sometimes pessimistic notes, he encouraged me, told me not to be sad and to smile. He taught me everything I know, taught me to love and showed me what my future husband should be like through his attitude towards my mother. I am sure there is nothing my father cannot do with his own hands. He is my best teacher and example. I am proud to be his daughter!
My father called me on 18 August 2022 and warned me that he would be out of contact for three days. His unit was near Bakhmut at the time. He seemed to feel something… In conversation he said: “Daughter, if you are happy with Serhiy, don’t wait for me, get married, get married”.
And on the 21st of August it was not my father who called us… My brother told me that my father had died. I said I didn’t believe it because I didn’t feel it. The same day we received the news of his death. On 22 August, when we went to Rivne, we were told that the body was already in Dnipro, and when we arrived in Rivne we were told that there was no body and that there had been a mistake.
We spent two months looking for him, contacting all his colleagues, hospitals and various organisations. All this time I was not myself. I didn’t know what to do, the stories were different, there were no details, no one could confirm the fact of his death. My father is the head of the department and I know for sure that he would not have left his men behind. From the internal investigation we found out that when the group withdrew from the positions, my father was not with them. At the beginning of October, we received a new report that my father had disappeared.
Searching through the pain
It was difficult for me to return to life because of the unknown, when you live in three parallel realities. On the one hand, you believe that my father is alive and will return, because it is very likely that he is a prisoner of war, since the military took him en masse from near Bakhmut. On the other hand, he could have lost his memory and is somewhere with the locals or in hospital. I also understand that he may not come back because might have already left our world…
With the disappearance of my father, I changed, the energy I had at the beginning of the full invasion disappeared and grief came in its place. I just want to hear his voice, for someone to tell me where he is. The events have affected my health, I have started to feel bad. But I know I have to be strong, I promised my father I would be happy. Not immediately, but I realised that going on living does not mean that I have forgotten my dad or that I am no longer waiting for him. I used to cope on my own, but now I have the support of a psychologist, I’m coming back to myself and continuing to live in faith and hope.
It helps that my father comes to me in my dreams. This is my channel of communication with him, like our common portal where we can talk and hug. For almost two years now I have had the same dream where my dad comes back and I tell him all the news. These dreams give me the strength to carry on.
It is important for me to share my dad’s story because I cannot let him be forgotten and erased from my life. His things have been sent to us, I have his phone numbers and I understand that he will not call to wish me a happy birthday. But I still believe my dad will come back and I will hug him.
About volunteering
Last year, when I saw a notice from the company I work for offering to help the military in a clinic, I immediately decided to join such an important initiative. It was then that I realised how important it is to support our soldiers at all stages: during their service, during rehabilitation and when they return to civilian life. In general, volunteering at the clinic and the project to support defenders and veterans in the company I coordinate are very important to me personally. It was helping others that brought me back to myself after my father disappeared. I decided not to sit still, but to do everything that is important now: I can help solve various problems, organise events, simply communicate and be a support for those who have sacrificed their health for our peace and security. Our most important task here and now is to make sure that the defenders returning from the front understand that they are needed and expected!
I am mostly involved in organising various events for defenders or helping with specific requests, unlike my colleagues who regularly look after the military in hospital. But I am proud to be part of such a strong team of caring people. Talking to the defenders, I realised that it is not the event and circumstances of the injury that is more traumatic for them, but the reaction of others. This was clearly visible in the park, during our picnic and competitions last summer: when you accompany a wounded man in a wheelchair and the people around you turn away, their smiles disappear and their eyes hide…
Often relatives cannot be with the soldiers during rehabilitation, and they need support, even if it is just a chat. I remember the first time we went to the clinic, the guys asked us if we were being paid and why we weren’t at home with our families. That showed how important it is for our defenders to know that we are helping voluntarily and from the bottom of our hearts. And if you can do something to help, bring them clothes, medicine or just talk to them, that is support for them. The other day a defender who has been in hospital for over a year for rehabilitation told me that we have become like a family to him.
I am grateful to know personally the heroes of our time who, despite all the difficulties, find strength within themselves and learn to live in a new way, inspiring and motivating many around them by their example. When you see the results, when you see their smiles and their zest for life, it motivates you to carry on and not to stop, to let them know that they are not forgotten and that their efforts are appreciated.
This volunteering is a great opportunity for me personally: in addition to helping others, I am preparing to meet my dad, because he will probably come back different and will need my help.
My mother was a teacher for more than 20 years, and after the events of 2022, which turned our family’s life upside down, my mother started working with the Rivne CCC and YV. She provided moral and psychological support to the families of the dead and missing. For both my mother and me, helping others gives us the strength and energy to carry on.
I understand that it may sound selfish, but deep in my heart I sincerely believe that my help here will help my father find his way home. Even if he has lost his memory, someone will help him. I also believe in karma and I want it to work as quickly as possible for those who have destroyed so many lives and caused so much pain. And at the same time I would like to see more concerned Ukrainians, who are interested, who help, who support our defenders and who join in with all possible help. After all, after two years of large-scale war, we have changed, our priorities and meanings have changed, and it will definitely not be the same as before. We must unite to win! I thank each and every defender of Ukraine. We are waiting for you.
Translator: Ivan Chepaykin
