My name is Sasha, I am 17 years old. I was studying at school, preparing for the external independent testing. 200 points was my biggest goal before a full scale invasion. I dreamed of becoming a psychologist, this was my specialty. I actively studied psychology on my own, dreamed of starting individual consultations. I had a full life because I had a goal and was going towards it. I wanted to develop and enter Taras Shevchenko Kyiv National University, but then, unfortunately, everything changed.
How do you remember the day when the invasion began?
I didn’t believe that this could happen. My friends wrote to me, saying that the war was about to start, and I laughed and answered that it was impossible, because I had already experienced the war in 2014. Just on the eve of all the terrible events I was in a calm mood, except that on the night of the 23rd to the 24th, I fell asleep in a bad mood, turned off the phone and did not hear calls. At ten o’clock the alarm rang, and I found out that the invasion had started from the boy who wrote to me “it has begun.”
What city were you in then?
I was near Kyiv, in Vyshneve. It is 20 kilometers from Bucha and Irpen. From the very beginning we heard explosions. The most frightening thing was the fact that our city is right on the border with Kyiv. All the sounds of artillery, hits and attacks could be heard.
You said, that you have been familiar with the war since 2014, what exactly did you mean?
I lived in the center of Luhansk, near the The Security Service of Ukraine building and schools where fake “referendums” were held. The building of the school where I studied was captured when I was in the 3rd grade. We lived almost in the epicenter, we just left very early. I heard the first sounds of explosions in my life at the age of 9, they were street fights.
How can you evaluate and compare your emotions and feelings that you had eight years ago and everything that you experienced after February 24?
When we moved, left our home in the 14th year, I grew up very quickly. My teachers were surprised at what I said and understood. My inner world was not at all like that of a 10-year-old child, because I realized what was happening. War and relocation affect the development of a child. Now about this war of 2022: I didn’t have that kind of growing up, but there was a very strong anxiety because of the realization that I might not wake up tomorrow. Everyone had this feeling, and this fear overwhelmed me. Now as I moved to another country alone without my parents, I was able to survive the beginning of the invasion, became a strong person, but unfortunately it was due to the hatred and aggression that arose due to the actions of the orcs (Russians).
How was your first week after February 24?
On the second day of the war, our whole family got sick with the flu. We had a high fever, pharmacies were full of people, it was impossible to buy anything. We were all sick together for a week. And 7 days later, the first rocket that I heard flew over us, it flew into a neighboring village. I was making coffee, and my windows shook from the explosion. This was the last straw for me. On the fourth of March, one week after the start of the war, my mother and I urgently packed our things and went on an evacuation train to Lviv, where we planned to stay there for a month. Father stayed in Kyiv. The first week we were afraid, I almost didn’t sleep and didn’t eat. And, of course, these constant conversations and offers from my parents to move out, so that at least I could survive. This is the most painful thing to hear from parents.
How did your family and friends survive the full-scale invasion, did you communicate with them in the early days of the war?
A close friend of mine lived in Troeshchyna in Kyiv, where there were mass shellings. They (Russians) entered from the side of Vyshgorod. A friend was sitting in the school premises, because residential buildings were being hit with Grad (the nickname Grad means “hail”). She hardly slept and thought she was going to die. Trying to hide from the shelling, she wrote to me: “If I die… I love you…” It was sincere, because she fully realized that she could die. It was difficult. My boyfriend went to a village near Kyiv from the very beginning, it is located in the Vasylkiv district. They were almost safe there. He and his family were near a military base that was under fire. And if my boyfriend held on and supported me, my friend was in fear. It was difficult for everyone, but we tried to stick together.
What exactly did you feel when you realized that your life had changed completely with the beginning of the invasion?
Awareness of this didn’t come for a very long time. This is the stage of “denial”, when you think: “Well, it’s for two or three weeks, nothing will change.” And then you realize that many months have already passed, and it won’t be like that before. And this feeling depresses you. It hurts a lot. You want, through thoughts and desires, to turn back the time when life was completely different, as well as our values. Now I am far from my parents, and there is such a very rapid growing up, which I didn’t plan at this age.. And right now I didn’t plan to be here. I don’t want to be here.
How do you now assess the decision to evacuate and what exactly influenced it?
I thought about it at the end of March, when we were in Lviv. At that time the mother’s friend was shot in the car along with her child, husband and dog. I heard and saw how she talked about it. The last straw was Bucha, Irpin, Gostomel. What happened in Mariupol… I understand that I want to live. And unfortunately, now I can’t see my future at home because of the war. That’s why I had to go.
What was your escape route to Scotland?
After a month’s stay in Lviv, I returned to Kyiv with my mother and saw my father and grandmothers. And a week after that, I applied for a visa to Scotland. My boyfriend told me about it, and we got visas in three days. In a week my mother finished work and we went by train to Warsaw and then by plane to Scotland. We were already in Edinburgh at the beginning of May.
How do you now evaluate your own decision to evacuate to Scotland?
On the one hand, I am happy to be safe and have a future with my mother and boyfriend; on the other hand, I do want to go home. Really. And there are always two thoughts in my mind: to return to Ukraine and do something there, but how to live on? During the war, you don’t know when a shell or a rocket might fly into your house, and when your day will be your last. I am glad that I made such a decision, but I really want to go home.
What were your first feelings when you found yourself in a country without war?
First, I didn’t understand what was happening. I had stress and lack of awareness of where I am, what I am doing here. Then, little by little, I began to get used to the local life and in three months in Scotland I got used to it, it became easier for me. In the early days, it was difficult because we lived near the airport and could hear the planes. And even then thoughts and memories related to the war came. For example, recently there were fireworks near our house, and my mother hid during the sounds. I think it will stay with us forever.
After evacuating to Scotland, what difficulties did you face?
Different mentality.. Here people are very relaxed and in no hurry. During five years in Kyiv, I got used to life, when everything is done quickly, and when people don’t have time for each other. When I first got here, this leisurely lifestyle was very strange for me, because I want everything here and now: the documents to be ready the next day, not in a month. Here, the rhythm of life is different, and you have to get used to it.
Have you participated in protests in support of Ukraine? And if so, why is it important to you?
I had such an experience. I was in London and talked to English people, from whom I constantly hear that: “Only Putin is to blame. There are normal “good” Russians..”. I usually hear the question: “Is there still a war going on?”. It is normal that people start to forget, because these events are very distant for them. But I believe that the most important thing is to remind them of the importance of strong support and assistance to Ukraine. The main purpose of joining the protests is to show that there are many of us and we need help. We need to be seen, heard and done.
What exactly do the changes that you dared to do because of the start of the war mean to you?
This is a very difficult and important stage in my life. This is something I was not ready for when I came here as a seventeen-year-old child and was left alone. This is what makes me stronger… And understanding that there is nothing I cannot do. There is an opportunity and I can do it. This is the time of self-awareness.
Do you have plans for the future?
I plan to finish my studies at a local university and after that I’m already thinking about where to move and how to live. There are two plans: to return to Ukraine, but I am very worried about whether I will be able to return to a normal life there… I think that I will not be able to, because it will not be like before. Another option is to stay here to live, study, develop and come from time to time to my parents in Ukraine.
What can you wish for the Ukrainians who are currently staying in the Motherland?
First of all, so that they do not neglect the air alarm. You don’t need to sit under the windows like my parents and say: “If it hits, it hits.” You need to take care of yourself even if so much time has passed since the beginning of the war. And I want to wish everyone to try to live, even if there is a war. Because the war taught us: you don’t know if you’ll wake up tomorrow. And all the things that have been put off for years, now is the time to do them. This is a very bad statement, but it is worth doing everything and living as if it were the last time. The people who remain in Ukraine are very strong. You are incredible.. I am proud that we have such Ukrainians who try to live on and help the army.
The large-scale Russian invasion of Ukraine has been going on for 6 months. During this time, the Russian occupiers destroyed and damaged thousands of residential buildings. About 5 million Ukrainian men and women became refugees. Many Ukrainians found themselves under occupation. People do not have access to clean drinking water, quality communication, food and a safe place to live. To support Ukrainians follow this link.
Translator: Bohdana-Nikolietta Terekhina
