(Photo: https://instagram.com/l_bakhtina95?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)
“Life and War: 10 Ukrainians – 10 Stories” is a project in which journalists tell the stories of people whose lives have changed since February 24. The heroine of this story is Lyudmyla Afanasieva. She is the wife of the well-known Crimean activist and political prisoner Gennadiy Afanasiev, who was involved in the case of Oleg Sentsov, which took place in Crimea in 2014. After being held in Russian captivity, he was released in 2016 as a result of an exchange. In 2018, Gennadiy wrote a book, Rising After Falling, in English and Ukrainian, describing his experience. On the day of Russia’s full-scale invasion, Hennadii joined the Armed Forces of Ukraine and defended the freedom of the Ukrainian people to the last.
In the interview, Lyudmyla told her love story with her husband and shared what helps her and women who have also lost their loved ones to leave the “bubble of grief.” How she changed her usual life to volunteering during the war. You can read more and view the information by following the link to Instagram at the end of the text, where Liudmyla describes in detail in her posts.
-On February 24, the war broke into the peaceful life of Ukrainians. For many, it was a bolt from the blue. What was the first day of the war like for you and your family?
-We knew this war was coming and our family was preparing for it. A few months before the war, Gennadiy enrolled in a shooting course, and together we made a plan of our actions on the first day of the war. My main task was to take my daughter abroad. She was 1 year and 3 months old at the time. We discussed our roles, drew up an action plan, and there were actually three of them. On the day of the full-scale invasion, we followed this plan exactly, knowing who was supposed to do what. So it was not a surprise for us, it was not something sudden, we knew it would happen, but we did not know when. But we were still ready for it any day.
-Where do you work as a volunteer now?
-As a volunteer, I work on my own, with the help of a few trusted friends. This is very important because the provision for our military is never enough and we must also help them to fight for victory for us. At first, I supplied the unit where my husband served, and I also cooperated with many other units. For some of them, I bought quality items, because I was able to build connections with some European countries and could bring the necessary things from there. Another important thing I do is to communicate and connect with the mothers and wives of the military, because they are often confused, devastated and feel lonely. When their husbands and sons go on service, they need some kind of support, and they don’t know where to get it or how to choose from a large number of things. Many need both moral and material support, and we are trying to do that.
Some people who started volunteering at the beginning of the invasion are now somewhat burnt out. How do you cope with this and continue to work?
Personally, I didn’t have this problem. I felt quite exhausted psychologically, but after buying the first car for the Armed Forces, I realized that I could do something. I also bought several drones, which are very necessary at the front, but it was difficult to deliver them to Ukraine and during these periods I had a hard time. I do not burn out because our guys at the front do not burn out and I keep in touch with them every day. I see how much they need this help, and not only material, they want to know that we are also holding on here in the rear, continuing to do what we have to do, and it is very important for them. That’s why I don’t allow myself to stop, to burn out. I look for all possible means to keep myself and my morale in good shape. Even now, despite everything I’m going through. The first thing I did after my husband’s funeral was to resume volunteering again.
-Do you remember the day you first met Gennadiy, what was it like?
-Of course, I remember that day. We met in 2018 on one of the mobile dating apps. We met for the first time in Kyiv near the Golden Gate. I was planning a short meeting because I had other things to do the next day and wanted to get off early in the evening, but our meeting lasted until eleven o’clock in the evening and we couldn’t stop talking. It was beautiful, really. He was systematically looking for a wife, and I was just looking for a nice company, but his version of our life became more true. It happened the way he wanted it to happen.
-What are your hopes when you tell your story? And what are your hopes for the future?
-Speaking about what I talk about in my story, I always urge people to honor living heroes more, because our heroes are often talked about when they are already dead. Unfortunately, before my husband’s death, very few people spread information about him, except for his friends on Facebook. Few people talked not only about him, but also about other soldiers who perform heroic deeds every day, every moment. I always urge people to talk about them because they are alive now and they deserve attention, they deserve to be known. They really need to know that their families do not need anything and are safe. Whenever I am asked to say something, I urge: “Honor the memory of the dead, but take care of the living heroes!”
-Do you think the support of Western partners for Ukraine is sufficient? Are they doing enough?
-I am not a competent person in these matters, so I cannot assess these processes objectively. For the first eight months of the war, I lived abroad and constantly felt the support of other countries in Ukraine. Was it enough? I don’t know. Could other countries do more for Ukraine? I think so. Again, I am not competent in these matters. It seems to me that this support could have been more, and perhaps more support for the army. Ukraine is the so-called border between Russia and Europe. If Ukraine fell or if it falls at some point, European countries will be next in this war, so the whole world should understand this.
-Volunteering today can be called advertising or advertising means. We know how many people are tired of the war now. We need to constantly remind them to donate and help volunteers in the same way. How do you and your organization manage to involve people in helping more?
-I’m working in a different direction a bit, because at some point I frankly got tired of constantly reminding people that we have a war in our country. Fortunately, I have a fairly narrow circle of sponsors who support my volunteering. I think that for people who follow me on social media, who supported me as a volunteer. For them, the best reminder is that the war in the country was my personal loss, the loss of my family. Everyone was absolutely sure that we would go through this war as a couple, as a family. Apparently, at the moment when my husband died, our entire online community became very active.
Many people knew our family personally or just followed us constantly and realized that death was actually very close. And this is not just about some Facebook posts, but it is literally on the next street, literally there through a Facebook messenger.
-You spoke about helping women whose husbands are at the front. How do you provide psychological assistance? How do you calm yourself down in such situations?
-My communication with women has developed by itself, because men are often unavailable for communication. For example, if I have any questions about ammunition or their needs, they usually pass it on to their wives, because they simply do not have communication. And already communicating with the wives, I constantly felt their need for support. Before the war started, most women had never heard of or known anything about military ammunition, uniforms, shoes, or equipment.
They did not know how much it costs, did not know where to get it. We talked to them first about hats and socks, and then about more personal things. You asked how you could calm yourself down. You feel calmer when you do something. Every woman, wife, mother can do something small in her place. Let them leave me to buy ammunition and choose a bulletproof vest out of a thousand possible options, and let them do what they are good at. One wife is a great dumpling maker. So she makes them, freezes them and then our guys eat them deliciously. The other one started sewing gloves, which are frankly bad, but she sews them. We still find a use for them and this is something she can do. The third wife started to draw postcards with her children, they draw a lot of them on different topics. This is something they have found a use for. My task is to offer them options and find some work for themselves. By doing these things, this anxiety is greatly reduced.
-At the beginning of the war, the Western media constantly covered the situation in Ukraine. And as the situation continues, what news and information should be present in the media in countries like the United States now?
-My biggest fear is that Ukraine will disappear from international tabloids and news, because at that very moment all aid to the country will stop. As long as Ukraine exists in the Western media, there is help for Ukraine on the scale that we need it. What kind of news do you need? It’s really hard for me to answer, because I don’t know the rules of journalism on how to draw readers’ attention to certain news. But I do know that every Ukrainian city affected by the war is living a history.
Every Ukrainian city deserves to have this story told not only about Kyiv, Mariupol, Donetsk, but also about other cities that are going through their worst times. You could compare how these cities lived before February 24, or some of them before 2014, with how they live now. It would be good to show this in the West. One thing I understand is that this war is not the first in Ukraine and, unfortunately, it may not be the last. Peace is a very unstable concept. If it is peace on Russia’s terms, there will be a new war. If it is peace on the terms of third parties, there will be a new war. In order to stop these wars, we need a confident victory in this war and a guarantee that this will not happen again on our land. As for my personal loss, my story is not unique. I am one of thousands of women who have lost their families in this war and, unfortunately, I will not be the last. This is a truly terrible price we pay for our freedom. A price we have been paying for hundreds of years.
-Can you tell us how your husband became a hero?
-I want to start with the fact that he did not consider himself a hero – he wrote about it on his Facebook page, that he did not feel like one. My husband was a fighter for justice. I’ll tell you a story about how he was a witness in the Sentsov case and signed a denunciation against him under torture. And when Sentsov’s trial was held, he recanted his testimony in court and said that it was given under torture. He knew that he could even be killed for this. And he continued on this path of truth. After his release, instead of returning to normal life and undergoing rehabilitation, he began to engage in active public activities, constantly traveling on various diplomatic trips.
He traveled almost all over the world, talking about Ukraine and the horrors that are happening now in the era of technology, what is happening in places where Russia is coming, he talked about it as a Ukrainian diplomat.
-Do you have any advice for your former self?
-The only thing is to put off all the things for later, to enjoy the time, because we always put off our loved ones for later. I also worked a lot, I was always doing different things, and if I could turn back time, I would spend it with my family.
-Have you thought about what you will tell your daughter about her father and what she needs to know about him?
-I think about it every day, because she’s a little girl now, but the moment will come when she will ask where her dad is, what he was like. the first thing I will tell her is that he loved her very much and the appearance of our daughter was his greatest wish, his greatest dream. I think that’s the first thing she should know, and then, of course, everything else, but for me, it’s the most important thing.
-Do you keep in touch with the people involved in the Sentsov case?
-Our family keeps in touch with Kolchenko, not me, Gennadiy’s mother does it, she often communicates with Oleksandr’s mother, we do not keep in touch with the other defendants because we never met. I think it’s some of their personal reasons, it’s more about the pain that each of them experienced separately and they were not able to unite it. Hennadii fought for each of them, but after the release, there was no contact, and I think it was because of the pain.
-What is your vision for Ukraine in the future? What advice can you give to young people so that in the future they don’t face the problems we have now, so that our history doesn’t repeat itself, and perhaps what transformation we need to go through so that the same history doesn’t repeat itself?
-Ukrainians often live looking outward, at other countries, at other people. I would advise them to look inside themselves, inside their culture, inside their history, inside their language, and look for the root of what it means to be Ukrainian, so to speak, of their “Ukrainianness,” and then when every person in this country finds it, and many people are finding it now, because if you follow the popularization of Ukrainian history, you will find recipes for dishes, old traditions, long-forgotten words in the Ukrainian language, we will not use them, but now it is interesting to know.
There is also a real hunt for Ukrainian antiquities, for shirts, beads, chests. I think this is the key to our freedom, which we have, but not everyone feels it. In my opinion, not soon, but some time will pass and there will be more and more Ukrainian in Ukraine and we will turn into a nation that will be absolutely self-sufficient and we will not need anyone but us. We will cherish our culture, which until recently was considered a little bit forgotten.
